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Things That Annoy the Hell Out of Me: Movie Edition

View Chris Kavan's Profile

By Chris Kavan - 06/05/10 at 09:31 AM CT

There's nothing quite like seeing a movie on opening night - big crowd, small crowd. Blockbuster, art house - whatever the case, it's just something I like to do. And a lot of people share my passion, but it seems not everyone cares as much, which is why, David Letterman-style, I can list the top ten things that annoy the hell out of me at movies:

10) Cell Phones - Look, they say to turn it off before the movie. Not every theater has awesome cell-signal blockers. And if you actually decide to hold a conversation after your "Poker Face" ring tone goes off? I should be able to dump it in your pop.

9) Large Groups of Teenagers - Yeah, yeah, I used to be in a large group myself back in the day, but, really, was I ever that annoying? Just shut up, stop giggling or fake screaming or constantly changing seats. If the children are our future, maybe I should just pass this time around.

8) Kicking My Seat - Once is acceptable - accidents happen; two? Still could just be adjusting. Three? Calm Down, it's only a movie. Four, Five, Six? I will turn around and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

7) Outside Food - This is not McDonalds or a supermarket. Your crinkling wrappers are like nails on a chalkboard and your chowing down is just embarrassing. I can barely put up with popcorn, why would I want to see you eat anything else?

6) Running Commentary - This goes beyond mere talking. This is what commentary tracks on DVDs are for, I don't need someone AT THE MOVIE giving out random facts or, much worse, what's going to happen next. I may resist punching you, but it doesn't mean I don't want to go through with it.

5) Kids at R-rated films: Look, take junior or the little lady to a Pixar film. Dragging them to anything violent is just asking for nightmares and possibly crying. And if the films full of nudity or sex? You sir (or madam) should be checked out in the head. I mean, my babysitter showed my Nightmare on Elm Street and look how I turned out.

4) B.O. - Ask fellow blogger Nick - we have moved seats before because of odor issues. If cleanliness is next to godliness, then I suspect hell will be a very smelly place indeed.

3) Yelling at the Screen - You're not funny, and if you laugh, you're only encouraging them to do it again. This is not MST3K, save your comments for home viewing, please.

2) 15-20 Minutes of Ads and Previews: After the lights go down, I want to see my film, not five ads and eight previews. There's nothing I can do about it, but complaining helps ease the pain.

1) Crying Babies: Nothing, I mean nothing, is worse than getting to a quiet, tense, emotional, interesting moment in a film only to be interrupted by the wailing of a baby. How hard can it be to find a babysitter? Really? Or, you know, just stay at home. I hear parents complain all the time they haven't been to a movie in ages. Join the crowd - or dump the baby off on a sibling, friend, nanny, grandparent or anyone else, because no one should be subjected to your poor decision to bring a baby to a LOUD movie. Extra murderous thoughts for anyone who refuses to take their kid out of the theater and just tries to quiet them during the ENTIRE FILM, only occasionally succeeding.

Rant Over. Now enjoy the movie... if you can.


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Wrote on 06/12/10 at 11:22 PM CT

This is a good list. The cell phones, group of kids, and random talking, I'd put at the top cause I encounter these most often. I once had to threaten a kid behind me, with violence, to get him to shut up. I wish the young ones today would act like they actually WANT to see the movie, instead of trying to ruin it for everybody else.

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Wrote on 06/05/10 at 04:23 PM CT

Cell phones is number 1 for me. But really number 1 is a bad movie. That usually ruins it for me. Ha!

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