A 90's shit stain...
The Film Rebel - wrote on 01/11/11
*Sigh* Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie...
How does one describe the success of the Power Rangers? How does one put into the words the reaction of every child when the show played on TV? How does one translate the orgasms of every child who watched the super lame fight scenes and poorly dubbed Japanese stock footage? Well let me put it like this: Unless you lived under the discomfort of a boulder, you DEFINITELY knew about the Power Rangers.
Now admittingly, I actually was a Power Rangers fan...for about 10 seconds. But even then I knew there was something wrong. I knew something about this show didn't stack up to great shows like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Batman: The Animated Series. Hell, if you saw interviews with half the actors now, they didn't even know what the hell it was about!
Well, the show became so successful that the fuckfaces at 20th Century Fox decided "Hey! Let's make more money! Let's make a shit movie based on this shit hole TV show!" And while the movie's no Citizen Kane...well...its no Citizen Kane.
The basis of the Power Rangers series was pretty basic: some bland teenagers with super suits battle aliens and their fighting resignates with problems in the real world. There's a good less for the kids: Fighting solves all your problems : D The show was utterly implausible and completely stupid, so how exactly would they transcribe that to film? Well, somehow they did it. Only problem is, it doesn't work.
I remember when I first saw this in theatres at age 11. I hardly remember anything about my experience because I think I was asleep through most of it. Nothing about the movie caught my interest. I was just a kid and even then I knew there was something wrong with it! Well, it wasn't until my 4 year old son rented it with me at the video store the other day. Well, I can safely say my son and I are joined in our hatred for this movie. That just goes to show you, my little guy has more sense than half the kids in America.
First of all, the movie is just stupid. For one, the actors are absolutely bland. They bring nothing to the table and are basically just wall paper. They're just there! There was no character whatsoever. Also, the CGI (for what it is) is absolutely horrible. I've seen better effects in 80s music videos. The only good thing was Kimberly. And that's just 'cause she's so hot! And the story (and what a story it is) is an absolute bore and just so uninteresting. Nothing about it pulled me in. Well, except the sorceress with the big sticks and bikini...
I know I didn't talk about the flaws as much as I should've, but there isn't much to say at all. If I had to go through the laundry list of shit wrong with this movie, this review would be 1,000,000 characters long. If you have any sense, stay the FUCK away from this movie as far as you possibly can! One of the worst films of the 90's, one of the worst films of my childhood, and one of the worst of all time.