mimschkin's Movie Review of The Unborn (2009)

Rating of

The Unborn (2009)

Is it possible to unwatch The Unborn?
mimschkin - wrote on 02/07/10

I can't bring myself to review this film without making fun of the ridiculous plot, so if you have the fortune of not having seen this film, and you're mad enough to want to see it, stop reading now - spoilers ahoy!

This film was so painfully dumb that I ended up fast-forwarding through a good part of the last 20 minutes. The girl is haunted by what she thinks is her unborn but dead twin brother whose name is 'Jumby'? And he haunts the bathroom cabinet? And they show the cabinet about a million times with ominous thumping coming from it because it's a great foreshadowing technique or something. Random naked shower scene! Then it turns out it's not her unborn but dead twin brother. It's her grandmother's dead twin brother. But then it's like some Jewish demon, because of the Nazi experiments? And it haunts mirrors, so she breaks all the mirrors and burns the shards, but then her friend comes round and is like 'why did you break all the mirrors?' because there's shards everywhere. That is bad mirror housekeeping, Odette Yustman from Cloverfield! And then the grandmother is killed because of the crippled man whose face goes upside-down. So then she gets Rabbi Gary Oldman to read some Jewish exorcism book, and there's all these pictures of things with upside-down faces for no reason. Freaky! Then they go to see this evangelist who is a priest who has a doctorate in exorcism who is also good at basketball, and they decide that Judaism and Christianity is the same thing. They gather some social misfits in the mental institution where her mother died and the rest is self-explanatory.

Seriously, it's like David Goyer went to the board room and said 'You know how audiences love it when you show a mirror-cabinet a bunch of times and then the (hot) girl opens the cabinet and when she closes it there's something behind her in a really annoying and predictable way? We should make a film based on that. Oh, and we can include plot elements from that smash hit Omen IV, and rip off some scenes from The Exorcist. Because people love that, and also $$$$!'. The female character fumbles from cheap shock to cheap shock, not to mention the plot that is effectively reduced to 'the Nazis did it', and the gaping plot holes (like how the mother was insane but somehow managed to make fairly accomplished films featuring the mental hospital, or somehow got her hands on them. Was that before or after she went insane?). Do yourself a favour and watch a genuinely good horror film, instead of this plastic-coated flim-flam.

Are you sure you want to delete this comment?
Are you sure you want to delete this review?
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?