Rating of
2/4
A Real American Hero Needs Some Help
Chris Kavan - wrote on 08/08/09
With lots of bombast, snarling looks, over-the-top action, flashy future-tech and ninjas you would think you would be entertained. But you also have cookie-cutter, dull characters, lame dialogue, obvious CGI, awful accents and questionable logic. Therefore the bad cancels out the good and leaves a decidedly mediocre result.
Like the Transformer's sequel, G.I. Joe tries to dazzle with a bunch of loud noises and visual treats but leaves plot and character development in the dust. Not even Sienna Miller's Baroness can distract me enough to overlook the poor pacing and worse dialogue. One bright spot - ever annoying Marlon Wayons actually turned in one of the better performances - still mugging for the camera, but at least it wasn't shameless mugging. I wish I could have as much praise for Channing Tatum but his wooden Duke character left me bored to tears.
As for the rest, Dennis Quaid does his best to channel John Wayne (what, Kurt Russell wasn't available?) and look stoic while Rachel Nichols tries to out-hot Sienna Miller (I like redheads better anyway) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt makes the best of a raspy-voiced, heavily made-up evil doctor. Ray Park once again is unrecognizable, which is too bad, because the former Darth Maul is still the coolest character the silent Snake Eyes.
The plot is mostly irrelevant to showcasing some spectacular military tech be it invisibility cloaks, ray guns, nearly impenetrable armor, sleek jets and subs, super-powered suits and nanomites up the wazoo. None of it makes a lick of scientific sense - but if you think too hard, you're missing the point of a summer action flick.
So in the end, just like Transformers 2, I was left feeling sensory overload, but still hollow. This reminds me of Stephen Sommers Van Helsing - it was great to see, but not so great to watch.
