Matthew Brady's Movie Review of Dolittle

Rating of


Dolittle - Review
Matthew Brady - wrote on 02/17/20

“We've no choice but to embark on this perilous journey.” - Me walking into the auditorium.

‘Dolittle’...oh boy. I actually watched this movie a month early when I went to Australia for a family holiday, because it was released early over there for some reason. I kept quiet for awhile cause I didn’t want to warn people about the storm that was coming. The storm of Dolittle.

I watched this in a full house with plenty of children and couple of adults. There was a little kid and his grandma sitting next to me and throughout the movie the kid would constantly ask his grandma that he wanted to go home, but was pinned down to sit through it until the end. Poor kid.

This is Robert Downey, Jr.'s first non-Iron Man role since ‘The Judge’ back in 2014, which is quite embarrassing. I can tell Downey is so into the role, because he’s doing five different accents all at once. Welsh, Scottish, Irish, English and South Africa. Even Downey himself couldn’t hold this mess together and it’s a strange follow up to the highest grossing movie of all time ‘Endgame’.

However the one thing I hated the most were the animals themselves. Like, I freaking hated all the animals. Every single one of them has an annoying character trait. I wish only death on them.

I hope the fox gets skinned alive and hung up on a tree, but quickly gets forgotten, so days past and now it’s rotten and covered in flies. I hope the giraffe gets decapitated just like the giraffe in ‘The Hangover Part III’. I hope the squirrel becomes roadkill after a car runs over his irritating little body, but I guess it has to be either a horses hoof or somebody’s shoe since cars weren’t around that time. I hope the dog gets put down since he’s “not feeling so good”. I hope the parrot chokes on a peanut after mistaking it for something else. I hope the duck suddenly gets depressed and turns itself into a duck sandwich, just so I can buy it and throw it in the bin. I hope the ostrich shoves it’s head up someone’s ass and breaks its own fucking neck. I hope the polar bear gets smothered to death by his stupid winter hat, and then his body gets nuked and paints the Arctic snow in red, because it’s justice to all the seals he killed in the past. Rest in peaces, bro.

I hope the gorilla dies of a heart attack, since he’s so frightened of everything. There’s a straightforward message for children about how being brave is all fine and dandy, but being scared is nothing to be ashamed of. In reality, I wanted to yell out “quit being wuss and help them out you asshole”, but since I was in a screen filled with family and children, I kept my inner demons to myself.

The only animal I liked was a Tiger named Barry, voiced by Ralph Fiennes. If I was Barry, I too would try to kill Dolittle. I find it ironic that a British actor is trying to kill an American who’s attempting to do the whole United Kingdoms accent.

The visual effects looked really unfinished and stuck out like a sore thumb whenever it interreacted with human beings. Perhaps it needed more time to be worked on, I guess.

The movie is kind of boring as well, because none of the characters were developed enough for me to be engrossed in this world or the actual story, so I checked out very early on. It lacks imagination all across the board and you can predict everything that’s going to happen.

Also why is there a dragon in a Dolittle movie? And why dose Dolittle shoves his whole arm up the dragons ass? Not very family friendly at all. There even made a movie reference to ‘The Godfather’ as a terrible joke that dosen’t make any sense when you really break it down. This takes place in 19th-century England, years and years before the movie was made and released, so already that’s confusing for both kids and even adults.

Overall rating: I hated the movie, but at the same time I admire in away. How can a movie that was so expensive to make filled with Oscar nominees and winners with a acclaim director Stephen Gaghan can feel so amateur.

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