cockney0_1's Movie Review of Friday the 13th (2009)

Rating of
1/4

Friday the 13th (2009)

Awful!
cockney0_1 - wrote on 08/18/09

Not so much a remake of the 1980 slasher but more an update of the whole Jason Voorhees legend, director Marcus Nispel and producer Michael Bay have once again teamed up to bring a horror icon from the video nasty-era to a new generation, following on from their success with 2003's 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'.

Starting where the original 'Friday...' left off, in 1980 and the death of Jason's mother (Nana Visitor), this new version combines elements of the first four original movies, with Jason coming back for revenge wearing a sack on his head, to him picking up the iconic hockey mask and terrorising a houseful of 'teens' (or young adults, as they clearly aren't teenagers). The scene then shifts to the present day, where a group of five young people set up camp in the woods just ouside Camp Crystal Lake. After one of the group tells the story of Jason and his mother, the group separate, with two of them going for a walk in the abandoned camp, two having sex in a tent and the one remaining gooseberry wandering around looking for cannabis plants. Of course, all of the group fall foul to Jason, who still lives in the camp after witnessing the death of his mother. Fast forward six weeks and the brother of one of the group, Clay (Jared Padalecki), is searching the nearby town for his missing sister. He bumps into another group of kids, led by the spolit Trent (Travis Van Winkle), who are going out to Crystal Lake to stay at Trent's parents holiday home. After warnings from some of the locals, Clay heads out to the camp, where he finds Trent and his friends having a party with an uninvited guest.

Those familiar with the plots of 'Friday...' movies will need no more explanations as to what happens, and ironically, those who are not familiar with them will also need no explanation as it really is a no-brainer. The biggest difference between the original no-brainer movies and this one is that this really is a dull slasher movie. The original series was really just an excuse to show gratuitous, but inventive, death scenes, but there really is nothing here to get excited about, as the camera seems to pull away from most of the violence, making it all seem rather restrained. Those familiar will Nispel's work on '...Chainsaw' will recognise the director's style; in fact, it could almost be a shot-for-shot copy of that movie, just replace Leatherface with Jason. The lighting, the camera angles (from the floor pointing up), the way the camera pans the background into shot, the grainy lack of colour, etc. is near enough the same, only in 2003 it seemed fresh and inventive. And considering the atmosphere, pacing and gore content of '...Chainsaw', why is this movie so boring? There's no sense of a build-up to anything, as Jason just sort of appears, hits somebody with his machete and then the scene skips to the next victim. Where's the inventive deaths we were promised? Where's the lingering shots of Jason's victims with their heads split in two? All the deaths are over with just too damn quick and then it's on to the next boring set-up.

And the cast are just as bland as the so-called 'action'. Travis Van Winkle gives a fairly convincing performance as the detestable Trent, but is that a compliment? And the scene with Mrs. Voorhees - one of the main set-pieces of the original - is gotten over with within two minutes (although one could say thankfully, as Nana Visitor could qualify as giving the worst performance of an iconic character since Malcolm McDowell appeared as Sam Loomis in Rob Zombie's 'Halloween'). The script is also fairly generic, so is it any wonder the delivery is useless? And is the sex scene supposed to be funny? Can tits be described as 'stupendous'? And will anybody be surprised by the final scene?

But let's not get carried away, as there are a few good points. The new leaner, meaner and faster Jason was a welcome change (credit to Derek Mears making Jason more threatening), as was the decision to make him more human and less supernatural, i.e. he doesn't miraculously appear in front of people running away from him. And it's always a joy to see Jason putting on the hockey mask, even if it was a lame way that he found it. Trent's death (oh come on, that isn't a spoiler!) is also pretty cool to watch, but one cool death in a 'Friday...' movie just isn't enough.

If you've never seen a 'Friday the 13th' movie, or the 2003 '...Chainsaw' remake, then you may get something out of this, but for those of us expecting the last word on modern slashers will have to keep on waiting until next years 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' remake for any hope (although I think we may already know the outcome there!). Do yourselves a favour and seek out the original 'Friday...' instead.

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