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My Take On the Worst of the Worst Movies Ever, Part 3

View Chris Kavan's Profile

By Chris Kavan - 03/30/13 at 11:10 PM CT

It's not like part one and two contained some great movies - but some of them weren't completely terrible. However, we're getting down to wire here and now the movies truly start getting to the point where, given a choice, I would rather pass than choose to watch any of them again. The best part? It's only going to get worse from here! Well, what are you waiting for? Here we go people, we're breaking into the top 10 - I hope you're prepared for the worst.

10) COLOR OF NIGHT

 photo ColorofNight_zps443d99f2.jpg

It's like Basic Instinct, only ramp up the campy sleaze and make it even more improbable. Also, Bruce Wills' wang makes an appearance - so next time they do a song at the Oscars about male nudity - there you go! Don't worry guys - Jane March also appears nude in approximately 50% of her scenes. The movie is trashy, over-the-top and inane - and also has a rattlesnake in a mailbox. But, as with Showgirls, it does have some cult appeal, so it's not a total loss - but, man, it's just hard to recommend.

9) STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER

 photo StarTrekV_zps900d774d.jpg

There is no denying it - this is the worst Star Trek movie to date (yes, even counting Generations, Insurrection and Nemesis). White the other original Trek films could get campy (going back in time to save the whales, really?) - at least they were also fun. This is just sad - but who to blame? Director William Shatner? The sub-par special effects from Applied Minds? The distinctly non-Star Trek inspired plot? This film is actually considered a near-franchise killer - luckily Star Trek VI mended some of those wounds but V - much like Rocky V - is best left alone.

8) HOWARD THE DUCK

 photo HowardtheDuck_zps3f0f492c.jpg

George Lucas producing? ILM providing special effects? An awesome anthropomorphic duck making out with Lea Thompson? By God - what could go wrong! Howard the Duck is nearly on the same level as Ishtar when it comes to movie names that are equated with disaster. On a completely outrageous $37 million budget (remember, this was 1986 dollars here) the movie opened with $5 million and ultimately wound up with just $16.2 million in the bank. It's not the movie that made the least amount of money or even got the worst reviews - but I'll say this, despite some serious nostalgia, I really wouldn't recommend this to many people - unless you are doing a paper on famous failures or something.

7) THE POSTMAN

 photo ThePostman_zps46de6aed.jpg

When Kevin Costner is hot - he's hot, but on the opposite end of the spectrum, when he fails, he does so spectacularly. The Postman is slow, plodding and utterly ridiculous. I mean at least Waterworld had Dennis Hopper at his crazy best - this movie, as far as I'm concerned, had no saving graces. Some people are free to find a deeper meaning to this film than I ever did - but for what it's worth, I never want to sit through this one again.

6) I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

 photo IKnowWhoKilledMe_zps4427d0aa.jpg

Poor, poor Lilo from Disney darling to tabloid punchline all in a few short years. Perhaps this year's ludicrous InAPPropriate Comedy will show up on this list some day, but for now, you'll have to be content with this utter stinker. The premise it utterly baffling and the "acting" is worse than most B-grade (or worse) movies. There are so many cliches and sophomoric attempts at appearing "artsy" that the failure is like compounded interest - it just keeps getting worse and worse. Like a train wreck - you can't take your eyes away - but I guarantee that for most of the film you will be rolling them in utter disbelief for what passes as a "thriller".

You can see the horizon now people - just five more to go - and I promise, the ones left certainly live up to their Razzie titles. Comments, as always, are welcome and appreciated.

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View Daniel Corleone's Profile

Daniel Corleone

Wrote on 04/02/13 at 12:39 PM CT

Have to agree with Howard the Duck. Saw it as a kid and almost scarred me for life for seeing it. It's the only one I've seen from this list, lucky me.

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