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OK Rick's Movie Reviews (4)

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2/4
1.5/4
2/4
1/4

 

The Golden Compass 
The Golden Dumpass
1/4 stars

What did I think of this movie? Screw that! I have a better idea. Let me just reach into my leather, Prada bag here. Hmm. A wallet, my insect in a tin can collection...Ahh, there it is. My alethiometer. I'll just move the three hands which help to guide me to the truth. We'll put one on the baby, one on the lute and one on the bird. Now, I just have to hold the question in my head. "Was this movie any good?" Hold on. The "truth" hand is moving. It's pausing on snake, pausing on snake again and it's stopped on the hourglass. That means evil, evil, death. This movie was awful. Hold out your hand movie. Hold it out. Bad movie! Very, very, bad movie.

The entirety of the this movie was dirt poor. I could type for hours and hours as to why, mostly because it takes me about an hour to type, "awful", but the worst part, like picking the tastiest piece of fruit from the ugly tree, was the music. It was relentless and terrible and necessary. If it wasn't for the music telling me how to feel during certain parts of the film, I would've felt nothing. It set the pace, too. The music was the fuel that helped to speed (at the MPH of a snail's Sunday stroll) our way through the wet, slippery, and crappy, acting, storytelling and direction that was the film. Too bad the music was soul-suckingly misplaced and useless. It was like sending a midget to fight a giant mountain of a hideously horrible film.

I hated it.

It gave me a migraine.

ME


Recent Comments

Comment On Review

Allison

Allison- wrote on 01/08/08 at 09:24 AM CT

 

Wow I was going to avoid seeing this film. You know who my favorite "new" composer is? Alexandre Desplat. He is amazingly wonderful with everything I've heard him do. He also did The Painted Veil which was so terrible even tho I like the actors. The music really really was wonderful tho. This guy is great!!

Josh C

Josh C- wrote on 12/22/07 at 03:37 PM CT

 

dammit, I was excited for seeing this movie. But after reading this review and others for the film I may not bother. I guess Sweeney Todd is the safe bet.

 
 
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