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Snoogans's Movie Reviews (3276)

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Jupiter Ascending 
'Jupiter ASS-ending'
1/4 stars

'Jupiter Ascending' is the latest debacle from the declining talents of the Wachowski siblings. Another original sci-fi creation of theirs involving a huge scope and massive amounts of fantastical imagery that is ultimately hollow. Yes, the effects are pretty damn impressive at times. The vast array of alien species and futuristic technology is ever expanding. Those are literally the only positives I can come up with. Our main characters are completely mis-cast, have little-to-no personality, and exhibit no believable emotions towards one another despite their forced attraction. The entire story is so simple, but the sprawling plot and overly political dialogue would have you think otherwise. Three siblings, each wanting to rule Earth alone, take turns trying to convince the heroine (dumb damsel) to give up her newfound royalty duties. They all fail due to her savior (Tatum) showing up and rescuing her every time. Almost half of this movie is a repetitive scenario involving her being duped followed by the 'hero' swooping in to catch her as she's falling. Her main character trait is falling. She has no defining qualities outside of needing rescue. Decent looking action is all that got me through this mess.


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