Create Game Lists on MeltedJoystick.com
FilmCrave home
   Movies  Members
Search +
Searching... Close  
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?
  
 
  Login Using Facebook
Twitter
 
     

Vampire Movies That Suck and Werewolf Movies That Bite... in Honor of Twilight: Eclipse

View Chris Kavan's Profile

By Chris Kavan - 07/01/10 at 04:49 PM CT

So The Twilight Saga: Eclipse opened to a record-breaking Wednesday opening... but failed to shatter the one-day total of a different Twilight film. In honor of this momentous event, and also because there is going to be yet another spoof movie (you know, from the same geniuses who gave us Disaster Movie and other gems) called Vampires Suck - I present the worst movies I've seen revolving around blood-sucking monsters and hairy beasts - three each so team Edward and team Jacob won't be disappointed and one with both.

7) An American Werewolf in Paris - The London original is a classic. This updated tale is a mess. Despite having many years, the transformation isn't even as cool as it was in the 80s. Paris may be lovers, but An American Werewolf in Paris should only be viewed by lovers of bad movies.

6) Dracula: Dead and Loving It - A far cry from Mel Brooks wonderful Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, this vampire parody has few laughs and not even veteran funnyman Leslie Nielsen can save the film. Hey, at least I have absolute certainty that this film will be ten times better than Vampires Suck.

5) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans - Okay so this has both werewolves and vampires - it sucks evenly for both groups. The first two Underworld films were okay, not the greatest, but entertaining. This third entry was just a step backward - in time and in terms of character and story. Going back in time only works for some films, not so much for Underworld.

4) Blade: Trinity - Another series that had a promising start and a dud ending. New flash: adding pretty people to your movie does not make it better. At least there's plenty of action, but when you have lots of stuff going on, it makes it hard to care about things like plot and characters. Watch the original again instead.

3) Teen Wolf II - Where to start on this one? The original is fun in a cheesy way - plus it has Michael J. Fox. Despite having Jason Bateman - a far cry away from his Arrested Development comeback, Teen Wolf II is just not fun - not even in a cheesy way.

2) Van Helsing - No other film, not even the much maligned Star Wars prequels, have such a bad case of high grade special effects vs. bottom of the barrel story. You have all the classic monsters, plus one classic monster hunter, but the story goes NOWHERE. The black-and-white opening is the only saving grace, the rest is all excess and incoherent rambling. One of the worst films I watched in the theater (and I just saw Jonah Hex).

1) Howling II - The Howling is a pretty fun romp through werewolf territory, but this sequel is about as bad as you can get. It was so bad, I haven't seen any of the other ones (my guess is they're even worse, but I don't see how that can be). This left me howling, and not in a good way. As sequels go, it's right up there with Jaws IV and Texas Chainsaw Massacre III.

Be aware I know I'm missing plenty of stinkers - but this is a list of movies I've seen - I'm not going to ever watch Bloodrayne or some straight-to-DVD piece of crap, so that's why these are high profile... but still really awful. So what - have an opinion on fang-filled devils or point-toothed monsters? Let me know!

Comments
0 comments
Name: 

Avoid spam Captcha: Sign Up + or Log In +   
 
Bloggers
Recent Blog Posts
Archive

All Posts

October 2017

September 2017

August 2017

July 2017

June 2017

May 2017

April 2017

March 2017

February 2017

January 2017

December 2016

November 2016

October 2016

September 2016

August 2016

July 2016

June 2016

May 2016

April 2016

March 2016

February 2016

January 2016

December 2015

November 2015

October 2015

September 2015

August 2015

July 2015

June 2015

May 2015

April 2015

March 2015

February 2015

January 2015

December 2014

November 2014

October 2014

September 2014

August 2014

July 2014

June 2014

May 2014

April 2014

March 2014

February 2014

January 2014

December 2013

November 2013

October 2013

September 2013

August 2013

July 2013

June 2013

May 2013

April 2013

March 2013

February 2013

January 2013

December 2012

November 2012

October 2012

September 2012

August 2012

July 2012

June 2012

May 2012

April 2012

March 2012

February 2012

January 2012

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

December 2010

November 2010

October 2010

September 2010

August 2010

July 2010

June 2010

May 2010

April 2010

March 2010

February 2010

 
Log In
Help on how to log into FilmCrave
Login with Facebook
Login with FilmCrave
 
 
What Members Are Doing
Movie Talk
New Movie Reviews
New Movie Lists
Top Films of 2012 by Neobowler
Movies First Seen in 2017 by royaluglydudes
Top Movie List by Seth
Movies I've Watched by Chris Ghost
2016 Rated and Ranked by Chris Kavan
2013 by Karmand
movies of 2017 by skater4159
Movies Watched by Sunbutt

 

 

 

Contact FilmCrave Public Relations    

Advertise and Business

Developer API

Contact Us

Jobs

About us

SiteMap

 

Support FilmCrave

FAQ and Help

News and Press

Terms of Use

Privacy

   
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?
  
Are you sure you want to delete this blog?