Bruce Willis Didn't Get The Memo
Memo To: Kevin Smith
Subject: Movie-Making Suggestions
Kevin, the next time you go to make a film, you might want to consider having a script first. Better still, if you have a script, get someone else to read it over - preferably someone you don’t know that well and might give you an honest opinion. If it’s another comedy, jokes would be good – but they have to be funny next time. While you’re at it, look up the word contrived. That style doesn’t make for a good film – ever!
Memo To: Bruce Willis
Subject: Career Moves
Bruce, remember ‘The Sixth Sense’? How about ‘Tears Of The Sun’? These were good roles. Did you even look at a script for ‘Cop Out’? Oh wait, there wasn’t one, was there? Are you gunning for quantity over quality these days? The goal is to build a movie career, not strive for being known as a bankable direct-to-video star! Definitely not your best move.
Memo To: Kevin Pollack
Subject: Supporting Cast
Kevin, loved you in ‘A Few Good Men’. Has it really been 15 years since ‘The Usual Suspects’? No one calling for a remake titled ‘The Whole 11 Yards?’ I understand Hollywood is crawling with hungry agents. Perhaps you should get a new one. Better yet, sue your current agent for landing you in this turkey!
Memo To: Tracey Morgan
Subject: Missed Calling
Tracey, 10 years as a ‘Saturday Night Live’ cast member and I can’t even remember one single performance that I actually found comic. I believe this movie called for a wisecracking sidekick – not someone whose delivery still sounds like he’s reading from cue cards. I may not be a clown fish, but I think I do know funny – this definitely wasn’t it. Do you still have that Brian Fellows costume? Maybe you can still get a gig as a zookeeper?
Memo To: Movie Goers
Subject: Consider Alternatives
Should you see this movie? To quote Tracey’s character in the film: “No. No! Hell no!”