Yojimbo's Movie Reviews (2059)

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The (2003) 
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" by Yojimbo
3/4 stars

Shockingly, I actually haven't seen the original, so I can be unbiased. Apart from the fact I don't like horror films much, for the following reason:
A group of absurdly attractive teens find themselves in a secluded spot. There are a few pre-scares, involving one of them shouting "Boo!"/the lights going out/pigeons/a cat. Some slasher/monster appears, starts picking them off, and they run around screaming until one is left. There's some lame back story about child abuse or something to give a pop psychology excuse for the carnage. She (usually) fights back and dispatches the baddie. He comes back to life, and she kills him again. For good. Or is it...?
This is the plot to 99% of all horror films, and 99% of them are pure shite. But this one actually works, because it does not for the most part follow this formula (apart from the "absurdly attractive" part...the undeniably stunning Jessica Biel spends half the movie looking like a refugee from a blood spattered wet T-shirt competition.) There is no excuse for Leatherface's actions. This is his normality as part of THE most dysfunctional family you will ever see. The horror comes in the fact there IS no reasoning, just the fact that all of the social conventions and laws that kept them safe are stripped away, leaving them completely without control over what happens to them. It's never "scary", but I did feel on edge and uncomfortable throughout. And surely, that's what a horror film is all about...?

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